By Jo Ann J. Lovelace
I arrived at the reunion with my covered plate,
there sat Ethel May, and she'd really gained weight.
She was talking so loud that no one could hear,
about bringing some pretzel and a case of root beer.
Ethel May was showing off the pie she had made,
when a horsefly flew by and bit little Wade.
She took off her shoe and tried beating it to death,
it landed in the salad that belong to Aunt Beth.
Ethel May turned around and saw a snake on the table,
she hit it with her shoe and it landed on Aunt Mable.
The snake started to crawl and Ethel May gave it a slap,
the doggone thing landed in grandma's lap.
Grandma's face turned white when she saw the snake,
then she fell face down right in sister Ludie's cake.
Ethel May rushed over to give it another good whack,
and the dad-blasted thing landed on Uncle Fred's back.
Aunt Pearl screamed, she didn't know what to do,
Ethel May rushed toward them carrying her shoe.
She hit the snake and it flew through he air,
the blasted thing landed in Aunt Lucy's hair.
Then poor ole Aunt Lucy fainted dead away,
and she rested peacefully for the rest of the day.
But Ethel May just wasn't about to give up,
she hit the snake and it went into grandpa's cup.
Ethel May took off her shoe to hit the snake,
and it ran up the pant leg of brother Jake.
Jake screamed and yelled and fell to the ground,
Then he passed out not making another sound.
Grandpa told Ethel May to stay away from the snake,
then he took the snake away for everyone's sake.
Then just when everything appeared to be getting better,
a honey bee flew by and stung Aunt Lou on the setter.
Ethel May was bound and determine to give it a swat,
this made the bee angry and it stung sister Dot.
Dot snatched the shoe from Ethel's May's hand,
and the bee flew over and it stung sister Nan.
Grandpa rush to his truck for his wasper spray,
and he got rid of the bee before it ruined the day.
Grandpa took away both of Ethel May's shoes,
and told her to go barefoot or whatever she'd choose.
Then Mom suggested that maybe we should all leave,
because Ethel may saw a hornet on Dad's shirt sleeve.
Ethel May grabbed a paper plate and gave it a toss,
causing the hornet to get angry and it stung brother Ross.
Ross slapped at the hornet and made it madder than heck,
the blasted thing came back and stung him on the neck.
He said of all the dumb things I've ever seen Ethel May,
could I somehow persuade you to just go away?
Ethel May just ignored Ross and his hostile way,
she yelled there's no way this hornet is going to stay.
She grabbed the shoes right off of Little Loni's feet,
slapped the hornet so hard that it landed on Pete.
Dad yelled at Ethel May and it was about time,
he said having her at a reunion should be a crime.
He got rid of the hornet and told Ethel May to go,
then Ethel May saw a wasp land on our Aunt Flo.
Ethel May snatched a cup to throw at the bee,
causing the dogged thing to sting sister Dee.
Dee got out of her chair without uttering a word,
then gave Ethel May the worse cussing I'd ever heard.
Aunt Grace sat quietly and escaped all the mess,
but she thought it was funny, she'd later confess.
Serenity and tranquillity weren't Ethel May's long suit,
and what was readily apparent, she didn't give a hoot.
Every family has some kinfolk just like our Ethel May,
and they can cause enough havoc to ruin any day.
I think I'll just avoid the family reunion next year,
I don't need the excitement that we all had here.
Copyright © 1999 Jo Ann Lovelace. All Rights Reserved.