The other day I told the little woman that I needed to go to Sam's and git a few carrots and apples. She allowed she needed a bag of taters since I was goin' I might as well get them for her so she didn't have battle that cold rain. Then she handed me a list of other things I should look for and get if it was cheap enough.

Well I knew it was goin' to be an interestin' day when I hit the garage door opener button and nothin' happened. Oh it groaned a little but that was about it. I hit it again and the door raise about four inches and stopped, then went back down. That ain't no big deal, I just got the remote from the van and went to the door, bent down and hit the button. When the door started up I began to lift on the door. Well between me and that half horse motor, we got it up.

I hopped in the van and backed out. I hit the remote button and the door closed like there was nothin' wrong with it so I turned on my lights and windshield wipers and headed on out the road.

I made the trip to Johnson City without a hitch and pulled into Sam's parkin' lot where I began to scan the lot for a good parkin' place. Now I ain't lazy, no sirree, I just don't like walkin' in the cold rain neither. Then after a while I spied one fairly close to the front door of the buildin' and made a bee-line for it. A little ole lady in a big SUV pulled into that place from the other side. I guess she didn't want to have to back out from the other side so she pulled into that place so she could pull out without havin' to back up. Never mind she would be travelin' the wrong way, by golly she wouldn't have to back up that big monster anyway. I just blessed her heart and went lookin' for another good place to park. Just then a feller backed out and left and I took that spot, it was closer than the other one anyway.

Once inside I bought two cases of chewin' gum, and a sack of Hershey's double chocolate morsels that the little woman likes so good. It wasn't on the list but I got it anyway. I was makin' good time runnin' them isles and gatherin' up all the stuff on my list.

Then I came to the produce section and began selecting the carrots. I looked for any signs of bruisin' or early stages of rot. They looked purty doggone good so I got four bags. Next on the list was the apples so I started lookin' them over to find a good batch. Then I noticed the man who was puttin' out cabbage and celery and he was givin' me the big eye every time I sniffed them apples.  Anyway I found a good lookin' bag of apples and put them in my buggy. That feller shrugged and shook his head and kept watchin' me to see what I might do next. So when I started to make the tater bag puff a little so I could smell if one of the taters was beginin' to rot, I thought that man would have a cow. I reckon he had never seen anybody shop for taters before. Anyway that bag smelled a bit stale so I put it back and got another bag from a different box. I puffed the bag and sniffed the air comin' out them holes and it smelled worse than the first bag did. So on to the last box under the table and another bag. It smelled good so I put it in the buggy and grinned and waved at the man and said “See ye next time.” He sort of half heartedly waved back and looked like he was glad I was leaving his section of the store.


Roy Lovelace