1:00 AM Alarm clock rings
2:00 AM Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of a warm bed
2:30 AM Throw everything except the kitchen sick in pickup
3:00 AM Leave for deep woods
3:15 AM Drive back home to pick up gun
3:30 AM Drive like crazy to get to the woods before daylight
4:00 AM Set up camp, discover you forgot to bring the tent
4:30 AM Head into the woods
6:05 AM See three deer grazing
6:06 AM Take aim and squeeze trigger
6:07 AM Click!
6:08 AM Load the gun while watching the deer disappear over the hill
8:00 AM Head back to camp
9:00 AM Still looking for camp
10:00 AM Realize you don't know where the camp is
Noon: Fire gun for help and eat wild berries
2:15 PM Run out of shells, three deer come back to close range
2:20 PM Strange feeling in stomach
2:30 PM Realize you ate poison berries
2:45 PM Rescued!
2:55 PM Rushed to hospital to get stomach pumped
4:00 PM Arrive back at camp
4:30 PM Leave camp to hunt for deer
4:35 PM Return to camp for shells
4:40 PM Load gun, leave camp again
5:00 PM Empty gun trying to run off a squirrel
6:00 PM Arrive back in camp, see deer grazing in camp
6:01 PM Load gun again
6:02 PM Fire gun
6:03 PM Score a bulls-eye on pickup truck
6:05 PM Hunting partners return to camp with a deer
6:06 PM Repress strong desire to hit hunting partners
6:07 PM Fall into camp fire
6:10 PM Change clothes, throw burned clothes into camp fire
6:15 PM Take pickup, leave partners and their deer in the deep woods
6:25 PM Pickup boils over, hole shot in radiator
6:26 PM Start walking
6:30 PM Stumble and fall, drop gun in mud
6:35 PM Meet Bear
6:36 PM Take aim!
6:37 PM Fire gun, blow up barrel plugged with mud
6:38 PM Climb tree
10:00 PM Bear finally leaves, climb down from tree
10:02 PM Throw gun in creek
Midnight: Home at last!
Sunday: Watch football game on TV while slowly tearing up hunting license into tiny little pieces. Then place license in envelope, and mail to game warden with a note complaining about untrained deer and bear running around in the woods.
