The little woman and I were sitting in the swing on the back porch the other evening. It was sort of slow, sleepy afternoon and we didn't have a care in this world. Sami, our Doberman came up to the swing and let us know she wanted sit with us. We moved enough to make room for her. Then she jumped into the swing, wiggled around and found a comfortable spot and settled down for a quick nap. We were about to doze off ourselves when all of a sudden Sami bounced over the back of the swing and commenced barking as though she had seen another deer. She always keeps the deer run off because she don't think they have a right to be there. Anyway, when we turned to see what all the excitement was about, we saw a huge black snake there on the porch. That thing had crawled up there and had it's chase lounger and umbrella already set up. The snake was sipping on a bottle of green tea and listening to Charlie Pride singing "The snakes crawl at night" on one of those ipods. Apparently the snake had been around us a lot because it didn't seem to mind us being there or that Sami was barking at it.

The little woman just calmly stood there and marveled at how the snake had made itself comfortable. It was soaking up the last of the sun's rays before the sun would disappear behind the western hills. I jumped up and ran out to where I had parked the bulldozer. I cranked that rascal and went up on the big porch. I drove with deliberate speed to where the snake was and pushed that bugger of the high end of the porch.

The snake fell about a quarter of a mile to the yard below. I peered over the edge and watched as that snake began to crawl under the porch. It's head went under the bottom logs at six-twenty PM and it tail went out of sight at seven-forty-five PM. That was the second longest snake I had ever seen. I calculated that rascal was one hundred and twenty-six feet long.

Little woman's Note: Personally I think the calculation of the size of that snake was over estimated by about one hundred twenty feet since it was slightly less than six feet long. And that bulldozer, looked a whole lot like a broom to me. Oh by the way, the porch is exactly eight feet and four inches from the ground. And ya know, the only singing I heard was the birds in the cedar tree singing in harmony with Sami what seemed to be, in dog talk anyway, "git off of my porch, you ole snake."


Roy Lovelace

other than the note at the end