1:00 AM   Alarm clock rings
2:00 AM   Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of a warm bed
2:30 AM   Throw everything except the kitchen sick in pickup
3:00 AM    Leave for deep woods
3:15 AM    Drive back home to pick up gun
3:30 AM    Drive like crazy to get to the woods before daylight
4:00 AM    Set up camp, discover you forgot to bring the tent
4:30 AM    Head into the woods
6:05 AM    See three deer grazing
6:06 AM    Take aim and squeeze trigger
6:07 AM     Click!
6:08 AM     Load the gun while watching the deer disappear over the hill
8:00 AM     Head back to camp
9:00 AM     Still looking for camp
10:00 AM   Realize you don't know where the camp is
Noon:         Fire gun for help and eat wild berries
2:15 PM      Run out of shells, three deer come back to close range
2:20 PM      Strange feeling in stomach
2:30 PM      Realize you ate poison berries
2:45 PM      Rescued!
2:55 PM      Rushed to hospital to get stomach pumped
4:00 PM      Arrive back at camp
4:30 PM      Leave camp to hunt for deer
4:35 PM      Return to camp for shells
4:40 PM      Load gun, leave camp again
5:00 PM      Empty gun trying to run off a squirrel
6:00 PM      Arrive back in camp, see deer grazing in camp
6:01 PM      Load gun again
6:02 PM      Fire gun
6:03 PM      Score a bulls-eye on pickup truck
6:05 PM      Hunting partners return to camp with a deer
6:06 PM      Repress strong desire to hit hunting partners
6:07 PM      Fall into camp fire
6:10 PM      Change clothes, throw burned clothes into camp fire
6:15 PM      Take pickup, leave partners and their deer in the deep woods
6:25 PM       Pickup boils over, hole shot in radiator
6:26 PM      Start walking
6:30 PM      Stumble and fall, drop gun in mud
6:35 PM      Meet Bear
6:36 PM      Take aim!
6:37 PM       Fire gun, blow up barrel plugged with mud
6:38 PM       Climb tree
10:00 PM     Bear finally leaves, climb down from tree
10:02 PM     Throw gun in creek
Midnight:     Home at last!
Sunday:       Watch football game on TV while slowly tearing up hunting license into tiny little pieces. Then place license in envelope, and mail to game warden with a note complaining about untrained deer and bear running around in the woods.