Roy Lovelace

The bag says almond pecan cashew clusters and the only true part of that statement is "clusters". I've eaten pecans and cashews and almonds and ain't none of them that hard. I believe they were made from rocks and concrete. The way I figure it is they put down a thin layer of rocks and chunks of concrete and sprayed them with super glue and watered down honey mist then ran over the whole mess with a hundred ton roller. After that they needed a powerful laser to cut the thing into little squares. Then they wrote on the bag 100% Natural. Well I reckon that may be true if you stretch your imagination a bit. Just say people made the concrete and super glue naturally, and the bees made the honey naturally and they mixed it all up naturally, yeah, that works for a stretch.

I finally figured a way to eat them things, since I bought them I allowed should eat them. I spread a large white cloth in the middle of the floor then I place my anvil in the middle of the cloth. Next I place one of the clusters on the anvil and hit with my sledgehammer. The stuff is still a bit hard on teeth but I manage anyway.

I reckon now I'll have to go to the dentist to get some new teeth since that stuff has worn mine down so far that my chin bumps my nose when I chew or talk.