Along time ago I went to guru school to learn the guru trade. Now for the benefit of those who don't know about the guru trade, I'll try to explain.
Being a guru meant that you could sit on top of a tall pinnacle, and ponder the mysteries of life. People would climb up to where you sitting and ask "Oh great one, what is the meaning of life?" or "Oh enlightened one, when will I understand?" Or any other question that they thought was appropriate to ask a guru. Because you had been pondering the mysteries of life, you could give them an answer. Sometimes the answer would be in the form of a riddle, which when solved, would reveal the long sought answer. Other times the answer would be simple, and sometimes even very blunt. Knowing just when to use the simple or blunt answer or the riddle was a good part what guru school was all about.
The school was turning out gurus like there was no tomorrow. Some really famous people were graduates of that guru school. Plato was one of the topnotch gurus of his day. Confucius was actually one of the top ten gurus when he graduated.
Confucius has been credited with a lot of sayings that he never uttered. Some of the lesser known gurus would say something they thought was really guruy. Then they would become afraid the saying wouldn't catch on, so they would say “Confucius say . . . . ..” They figured folks wouldn't criticize it too much if it came from Confucius.
We learned all kinds of pat answers. We even made up a few of our own. You could move up in class a notch or two if you made a good pat answer that was accepted by the rest of the class.
So many people in those days wanted their own guru, much like we want our own doctor today. You see, there were lots of young men who wanted to be a guru. It's the old story of supply and demand. So by the time I graduated guru school, there was not an empty pinnacle anywhere in the country. I thought about becoming the man in the moon but I found out that job was already taken and that guy just sat around all the time eating blue cheese. I liked cheese but I didn't think I’d like a steady diet of just cheese and nothing else, I mean yuk.
So I finally found my way to a nearby town where I found the girl of my dreams and married her. We had a family and spent a few short years in the Air Force. For a while I worked as a house painter, pumped gas and worked as a mechanic, and milkman. I finally landed a job at a large plant where I worked in the powerhouses. After nearly thirty years on that job management decided to draw on my vast experience and have me write training manuals for their new operator apprentice program.
Even in all that writing, I somehow never put to use very much of the talent I acquired while I was at Guru U, darn shame too.
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